It was supposed to be a slow Sunday today.
SUPPOSED.
It wasn't though.
I had to go to the hotel/chapel with Samuel who arrived on Friday to Australia. He's been working nonstop on the whole wedding. I'm guessing he's become best friends with everyone at the hotel because they call him Master Samuel. Not only that, but he removed the white streak from his hair, making him look like a celebrity. He's 6'6 and thin, knows how to dress and he's all about designing and photographing; Sammy's a total model.
Oh sorry. Strike that. MASTER SAMUEL.
"This wedding will be absolutely gorgeous. The wedding of the century!"
I laughed. The idea of ME, Lucille Marie Delton, getting married still seemed rather strange. Somewhere deep inside, I was still the 16 year old teen who was terrified of ever being committed. Strange that I could change so much and that now it's all I wanted. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was totally in love with my future husband, or that it gave me peace to know that I would be starting a family with the man I loved.
"Earth to LUCY!" Sam clapped his hand next to my ear.
"Yes! Listening..."
"Time to confirm everything...."
I took out my Ipad and glasses and nodded.
"Flowers, tables, music, decoration, dresses, ambience, seating, guest list, priest, rings, vows...." he continued reading for at least 10 more minutes with all the details of the whole event.
"Check to everything."
"I can't believe we're done a month early."
"We have been working nonstop for the past six months. Oh! Did we call the caterers about the food?"
"That's all organized too. We've got plates coming from France. Your grandmother said she'd only be attending if she got that fancy "poupoubleh" whatever.... in the menu".
"I know. I told her that she shouldn't feel forced into coming... but Eric managed to get the whole clan down here for the wedding. The complete hotel is reserved...."
Samuel rolled his eyes. "Ah... Eric Delton... ever the caveman... if it's not BIG he can't do anything."
"Anyways... the fact that they will ALL be here, puts a little pressure on me."
"Pressure on you?" Sammy quirked his eyebrow "All you have to do is come to the wedding and look pretty, and read your vows... and say I do. How hard can that be?"
"With 50 plus Deltons starring at you... it can be hard."
"But you want them here, don't you? This will be the moment where they all acknowledge you. You're marrying well... forget that, hon. YOU are marrying. That in itself is teaching them all a lesson."
It was my turn to shake my head and roll my eyes. "You know what. I want the big wedding, and the champagne, and the music, and the whole package... but most importantly, I just want the wedding."
And that's the truth.
~Sniff~
Dear Blogger:
In 2 months 1 week and 1 day I'll be getting married.
But it feels like the world is coming down on me.
The wedding is in Australia, the invitations have been sent out already.
~sigh~ But I'm so nervous. I wanted the fairy tale wedding, but now I'm even wondering if that's what I want at all. I get hives just thinking about really... getting married...
And then I remember my 16 year old self who used to whore around with everybody and hated the very idea of commitment. God... I'm getting freakin' cold feet and the worst part is that I have no one with whom to talk that about. Everyone is too busy with their own troubles.
Worst of all... it's been so hot these days. It's as if the heat is getting to me and driving me crazy.
I'm not sleeping... and I'm not eating. And for a woman that was raised in Italy, the latter is terrible.
I want to cry. I justwant to. I'm feeling ever so lonely and I can't do anything about it. I just want to run away, but then I breathe and remember that I love him and that this, whatever I'm going through is normal.... (or so they say in the Knot).
Everything is ready... the chapel, the decoration has been set, the china, the music, the everything... all that's left is to get married....
Excuse me now.... I think I'm going to be sick
In 2 months 1 week and 1 day I'll be getting married.
But it feels like the world is coming down on me.
The wedding is in Australia, the invitations have been sent out already.
~sigh~ But I'm so nervous. I wanted the fairy tale wedding, but now I'm even wondering if that's what I want at all. I get hives just thinking about really... getting married...
And then I remember my 16 year old self who used to whore around with everybody and hated the very idea of commitment. God... I'm getting freakin' cold feet and the worst part is that I have no one with whom to talk that about. Everyone is too busy with their own troubles.
Worst of all... it's been so hot these days. It's as if the heat is getting to me and driving me crazy.
I'm not sleeping... and I'm not eating. And for a woman that was raised in Italy, the latter is terrible.
I want to cry. I justwant to. I'm feeling ever so lonely and I can't do anything about it. I just want to run away, but then I breathe and remember that I love him and that this, whatever I'm going through is normal.... (or so they say in the Knot).
Everything is ready... the chapel, the decoration has been set, the china, the music, the everything... all that's left is to get married....
Excuse me now.... I think I'm going to be sick
Boo-hoo
I have JUST deleted my twitter account.
I feel a little bad about it because I honestly did it on pure impulse. One minute I was looking at my twitter page (I had last updated it 48 days ago) and I was realizing just how miserable my tweets were and then "click" -Deactivate.
Next thing I see is the little tweet bird in the far right corner of my screen with tears in its eyes and a whole lot of letters giving me all the reasons why I should NOT quit, asking me if I'm really sure I wanted to delete the account.
Well, of course I'm sure. That's why I clicked deactivate! I finally click the same option once more and another pop-up window appears asking me ONE last time if I want to deactivate it and asking me once more for my password.
By this point I'm not even acting on impulse. I'm just staring at the screen. Are you kidding me? Again? Are they TEMPTING me to screw up with their whole system? Cause I will.
Ergo... I'm back to having no twitter. :P
Talking about that... did you know that there is actually a Social Networks Suicide machine? Yep! There is! It will permanently delete you from twitter, facebook, myspace, etc. It's called Web 2.0 Suicide Machine and you can find it here: http://suicidemachine.org/#
Personally, I think the machine is hilarious. It's slogan? "Wanna meet your real new neighbours again?" I mean, there are various way to delete yourself from the internet. I could tell you a few. But that someone actually came up with this idea on their own is just ingenious. There IS a problem. So many people are trying to socially suicide at the same time that the machine can't process that much info. Nonetheless, it's interesting that people actually want their real life back.
Me? I don't like social networks that much. I like blogger because I write and that's entertaining, but I don't even have a Facebook. Well, neither am I interested. Take it from someone who knows... whatever you put in the web stays in the web and it leaves traces... and we can find you if you want.
See that warning INTERPOL launched today about the risk of terrorist tracks if the Quran was burned? We tracked that. Yeah, they still call me sometimes to lend a helping hand, but I'm working freelance. I'm like their consultant. Which is great. It gives me time to work on the store, there's moving going on again, the wedding, etc.
That was what I had to say for myself today.
Bye now! :3
I feel a little bad about it because I honestly did it on pure impulse. One minute I was looking at my twitter page (I had last updated it 48 days ago) and I was realizing just how miserable my tweets were and then "click" -Deactivate.
Next thing I see is the little tweet bird in the far right corner of my screen with tears in its eyes and a whole lot of letters giving me all the reasons why I should NOT quit, asking me if I'm really sure I wanted to delete the account.
Well, of course I'm sure. That's why I clicked deactivate! I finally click the same option once more and another pop-up window appears asking me ONE last time if I want to deactivate it and asking me once more for my password.
By this point I'm not even acting on impulse. I'm just staring at the screen. Are you kidding me? Again? Are they TEMPTING me to screw up with their whole system? Cause I will.
Ergo... I'm back to having no twitter. :P
Talking about that... did you know that there is actually a Social Networks Suicide machine? Yep! There is! It will permanently delete you from twitter, facebook, myspace, etc. It's called Web 2.0 Suicide Machine and you can find it here: http://suicidemachine.org/#
Personally, I think the machine is hilarious. It's slogan? "Wanna meet your real new neighbours again?" I mean, there are various way to delete yourself from the internet. I could tell you a few. But that someone actually came up with this idea on their own is just ingenious. There IS a problem. So many people are trying to socially suicide at the same time that the machine can't process that much info. Nonetheless, it's interesting that people actually want their real life back.
Me? I don't like social networks that much. I like blogger because I write and that's entertaining, but I don't even have a Facebook. Well, neither am I interested. Take it from someone who knows... whatever you put in the web stays in the web and it leaves traces... and we can find you if you want.
See that warning INTERPOL launched today about the risk of terrorist tracks if the Quran was burned? We tracked that. Yeah, they still call me sometimes to lend a helping hand, but I'm working freelance. I'm like their consultant. Which is great. It gives me time to work on the store, there's moving going on again, the wedding, etc.
That was what I had to say for myself today.
Bye now! :3
Family History
Whao. It's been a long time since I last wrote, a very long long time.
A lot of things have happened since then. Among some things, I moved to Marseille, France because of obligations with the INTERPOL. Then I got out (just like Ashton Kutcher in the movie "Killers"), I work solo mio in the missions I want when I want, which also gives me time to keep designing and working on my own line of fashion. I fell in love evert day all over again with my one year boyfriend, Ethan Stokes. We went to Disney, and then during the Spectromagic parade, while the night was full of lights, he asked me to marry him.
That's right, on June 1st, 2010, I, Lucille Marie Delton Alexandier, became engaged.
Now, I'm writing from my laptop in South Africa. Yes. I am here, watching the 2010 FIFA World Cup. I am a fan of Italy and I sure hope they kick ass. I officially gnawed my way through a pillow when I read the news this morning and it said that goalie, Gianluigi "Gigi" Buffon was injured and would not be playing in the rest of the matches.
Anyways, that is not the point. Currently, my life is VERY busy with work (yes, I do it sometimes, though I work to live not the other way around), planning the wedding (which will be on December 19th, 2010), and basically organizing just about everything.
Ethan, my fiancé, is nowhere to be seen or found tonight. He said he would go out with some friends from Australia who are here for the Cup and he'd come right back. Trust a man to never understand the meaning of "right back". He'll get his fill later.
I have much bigger problems. Turns out I'm not the only Delton here. My... father... decided to drop by and congratulate me personally on me getting engaged. He also asked once more for eternal forgiveness, and for a chance to walk me down the aisle. I downright refused his offer. I wanted Eric, my brother, to do the honors. Nonetheless, after I made an estimate about just how much we'd spend on a wedding, I changed my mind. If he wanted to make up for ignoring me, practically selling me, and abandoning me, paying all the cash in the world plus some, seemed like a good idea.
Though a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of the event's numbers, he agreed almost immediately. That was enough for me. I wouldn't hold too big a grudge after such generousity, but he thought that wasn't enough. He thought I deserved an explanation and he invited me out to dinner. It was my turn to hesitate, but eventually I gave in. I would be a bad person if I didn't at least listen to his story.
That is how I ended up with my dad, Keith Edward Delton, in a cozy restaurant in Johannesburg.
"Lucy, I think you deserve to know the truth."
That was never good. Listening to him make petty conversation for at least an hour wasn't good either, but I was letting him talk, while I sipped some very strong Whisky Sour (call out to my girl, Vero!)
"I'm listening." I put the glass down and tried smiling. It was a little hard. As I looked at him, I could only thing that whao, Eric was an identical copy of father. It was very possible Eric would look like him when older: handsome, rogued charming good looks, sky blue eyes...
"I'm sorry for being a bad father."
Sorry doesn't quite cut it, but the wedding expenses sure will.
"I should have been there for you. It was just... very complicated. I was young, and I didn't want the responsibility. I was a party boy. I didn't want to marry. I wasn't ready for a kid, and less alone was I ready for two. It was too much...."
"You're just like Eric." I interrupted him "Fear of commitment... Party Boy...." I sighed "If you're going to tell the story, just start where you should: the beginning. How did you meet mother? What exactly happened? And why did you marry if you didn't want to?"
He paled a little. "Your grandmother."
Yeah. I should have seen THAT one coming.
He sighed, brushing his hair back; it was an identical gesture that Eric would unconsciously inherit.
"We were three Delton brothers: Maxwell, the oldest. Albert, the middle one. And then there was me. Maxie was the heir. His life was cut out for him. He had absolutely nothing to worry about career wise. Albert was kind and he had chosen to help the family out of his own good will. He had his life pretty much set too. I, on the other hand, was the youngest. I lived to party. There was absolutely nothing that could control me.
Then, in the most unexpected moment, I had completely and totally fallen in love. It was amazing. I'd never felt that way. It was... life changing."
I blinked "Whao... mom really caused an impression on you, didn't she?"
He paled a little more.
It was my turn to gawk. "You're not talking about mom, are you?"
He slowly shook his head. "I fell in love with Lillian Crawford, Maxwell's girlfriend."
I stared perplexed at him. "Leonardo's MOM. You FELL IN LOVE WITH LEO'S MOM!? The rumors are TRUE!?"
"Ssssh! Lower your voice. It's true. And believe me when I tell you, Lillian wasn't exactly turning a blind eye towards me either. We REALLY liked each other, we were thinking of eloping and everything..."
"What happened?" I was horrified, but curiousity took the best of me.
"I met your mother, Eleanor Christine Alexandier." He paused as if remembering. "I'd always thought Lillian was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, but even my lovestruck eyes recognized that Eleanor was astounding." He looked at me. "She had jet black long hair... beautiful bangs that covered part of her face, hazel eyes that bordered on gold, full red lips and white porcelain skin. I'm telling you, she was a vision. She moved those long legs and swinged her hips as she walked, that she left many a man on her trail."
I'd seen mother's pictures. She was breathtaking beautiful. Dad, however, did not describe her with longing or passion, he just painted her image as if she were walking beside us now.
"But..." He looked at the table "She was a real bitch."
I should've been really bothered about that insult, but I had lived it myself, just how cold she was.
"She was ambitious, and she didn't care a flying fuck about hurting people to get her way. She had been orphaned when very little and she'd inherited a fortune big enough to take care of world poverty. She used her influence and money effortlessly and always got what she wanted. In this particular case, she had transferred to our school with one particular goal in mind: me."
"Why would she have wanted YOU? You were the family's disaster!"
"Why thank you, daugther, for those wonderful words... The thing is that Maxwell's fate was setted in stone. I'm sure Eleanor had tried convincing Mother that she would be far better a wife than Maxwell, but Mom smelled her ambition a mile away. She couldn't have Eleanor in a position that could outweigh her. So... mom dumped her on me. Before I had anything to say in the matter, Mother had agreed that Eleanor and I would be the perfect match."
"But you were in love with Lillian."
"Yeah, and I was also in love with my lifestyle. I loved the cars, the houses, the trips... if I did anything against the Deltons I'd risk a fate like you dear cousin's, Leonardo. And you know what? I was 18 and I wanted to do whatever I wanted."
"So you broke Lillian's heart and married Eleanor?"
He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and then he finally nodded. "I entered a loveless marriage with Eleanor. And things worked fine at first. We never even saw each other. I went away, and she'd do whatever the hell she wanted. Eleanor was incredibly smart. I mean it."
I quirked an eyebrow. "How smart?"
"Very. But she couldn't care less about smarts. She was busy living the life she'd always dreamed as a Delton."
"It seems like things were working out pretty well..." I almost downed the Whisky Sour.
"They were.... until Lillian got pregnant and had a baby boy."
That would make sense. Mother would've stopped being the spotlight and the attention would be drawn to first male born and heir of Delton Industries Ltd.
"It became your mother's obsession to have a boy too. She was desperate. She hated the idea of giving childbirth but hated the idea of living in Lily's shadow even more. I was also desperate because I could no longer keep doing what I was doing so far with her complaints and my mother's and the pressure I was getting from everybody for being the good for nothing son. I had started working at the Industry, Eleanor was exhausting... it seemed like I was suddenly trapped. It was my fault. I got there on my own.
"We tried having a child for a while, but I hated the idea of even sleeping with her. It was harder yet comi---"
"SKIP THE DETAILS"
"Anyways.... after it all, you were born."
I didn't know how to feel. It was all too strange. I had a daughter. I wasn't ready to become a father. I didn't even know how to hold you... you were little and fragile and....
"Well, you should have tried." I glared at him. He stopped talking and looked at me at a loss for words "We're not born parents. We learn. We learn from our children how to be good parents. If you had stayed around long enough you would have known that."
"I know that now." He sighed "Then, a year later, Eric was born. However, your mom was far from satisfied. She was set on making Eric the star of the family. She believed that if he proved to be better than Leonardo, he would be named the heir."
I sighed. "I know... she gave Eric everything. Everything and a little more." There was a slight tone of resentment in my voice, but I tried to hide it.
"Lucille... I'm very sorry. I know it was hard. Instead of being a good father, I kept trying to recover the life I had when I was 18... I saw that your mother was indifferent and uncaring and instead of stopping it, I turned a blind eye towards it all.... I regret that so much..."
"Why did you send me to the Institute?" I looked at him.
"I thought that it would be the one place where you would be able to explore your potential. I saw you solve that Rubik's cube in less than five minutes... at what? 6 years old? It was a toy to you... it was... incredible. The Institute seemed to be an option... a place where you'd get independance from the Delton world."
And I did get it.
"The night of the accident.... we weren't even driving, we had a driver with us. Trying to evade a truck, he lost control of the vehicle, and next thing I knew, we were plunging into ice cold water. I don't know how I survived the fall..."
"How did you get out?"
"I had the window down... I was actually smoking myself a cigar.... When I was in the water, I reacted immediately... and got the hell away. To be honest.... I did feel sad that Eleanor had passed. I wished I could have saved her."
"And then you saw you golden chance..."
"To do what I couldn't do before: FREEDOM. No Deltons, no attachments.... It was easy to get another identity. Being a Delton you know people in the lower circles... and they know people, and I had stashed my savings into various accounts under other names during years. Getting a new life was not hard...."
I was furious. My blood boiled. "Well, I'm glad you got exactly what you wanted..." I stood up and was about to walk away when he grabbed my wrist.
"The loneliness was overwhelming. I had never appreciated my family until I was completely alone in the world. It was bad... and I regretted how foolish I had been. I never stopped caring for you or Eric. I loved you. And my realization came late, when I was deep into the neck in trouble... but it was there. I regretted not spending with you those important moments. I regret not watching you bloom into the beautiful woman you are now, more beautiful than your mother in her hayday. I always followed you, Lucille. When I read you'd been promoted in the INTERPOL, I was so proud. I didn't know how to come back into your new life. I was scared. But I don't regret this. Appearing again. Even if you hate me. I don't regret holding my daughter's hand and begging her for forgiveness. I will spend every day of my life making up to you the mistakes I have made. Please."
I couldn't help the fusion of emotions that circled through my body. I was still angry (less angry), but sad, and also touched. His words seemed honest. I wanted to cry like a little baby and shove myself into his arms. But it was so hard.... I softly placed my hands on his shoulders and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
"Goodnight, dad. We'll talk tomorrow."
He didn't stop me. He just nodded, and kindly smiled at me. I took a cab. Halfway through the trip to the hotel I had ruined my makeup and as I got to the hotel I was a disaster. I eventually calmed down as I took a bath and felt the water on my skin.
Forgiving was not easy. I couldn't hold a grudge, though. Not after what I'd heard. How many times had the Delton lifestyle pushed people towards madness? Lillian had eventually killed herself... Eric's new reign as the Delton Industries CEO was just starting to change everything, and everyone was becoming truly united. But things hadn't always been hopeful.
So I decided to write the story and reread it various times, and hopefully find the strength to accept the things that I cannot change and the courage to changes those that I can.
A lot of things have happened since then. Among some things, I moved to Marseille, France because of obligations with the INTERPOL. Then I got out (just like Ashton Kutcher in the movie "Killers"), I work solo mio in the missions I want when I want, which also gives me time to keep designing and working on my own line of fashion. I fell in love evert day all over again with my one year boyfriend, Ethan Stokes. We went to Disney, and then during the Spectromagic parade, while the night was full of lights, he asked me to marry him.
That's right, on June 1st, 2010, I, Lucille Marie Delton Alexandier, became engaged.
Now, I'm writing from my laptop in South Africa. Yes. I am here, watching the 2010 FIFA World Cup. I am a fan of Italy and I sure hope they kick ass. I officially gnawed my way through a pillow when I read the news this morning and it said that goalie, Gianluigi "Gigi" Buffon was injured and would not be playing in the rest of the matches.
Anyways, that is not the point. Currently, my life is VERY busy with work (yes, I do it sometimes, though I work to live not the other way around), planning the wedding (which will be on December 19th, 2010), and basically organizing just about everything.
Ethan, my fiancé, is nowhere to be seen or found tonight. He said he would go out with some friends from Australia who are here for the Cup and he'd come right back. Trust a man to never understand the meaning of "right back". He'll get his fill later.
I have much bigger problems. Turns out I'm not the only Delton here. My... father... decided to drop by and congratulate me personally on me getting engaged. He also asked once more for eternal forgiveness, and for a chance to walk me down the aisle. I downright refused his offer. I wanted Eric, my brother, to do the honors. Nonetheless, after I made an estimate about just how much we'd spend on a wedding, I changed my mind. If he wanted to make up for ignoring me, practically selling me, and abandoning me, paying all the cash in the world plus some, seemed like a good idea.
Though a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of the event's numbers, he agreed almost immediately. That was enough for me. I wouldn't hold too big a grudge after such generousity, but he thought that wasn't enough. He thought I deserved an explanation and he invited me out to dinner. It was my turn to hesitate, but eventually I gave in. I would be a bad person if I didn't at least listen to his story.
That is how I ended up with my dad, Keith Edward Delton, in a cozy restaurant in Johannesburg.
"Lucy, I think you deserve to know the truth."
That was never good. Listening to him make petty conversation for at least an hour wasn't good either, but I was letting him talk, while I sipped some very strong Whisky Sour (call out to my girl, Vero!)
"I'm listening." I put the glass down and tried smiling. It was a little hard. As I looked at him, I could only thing that whao, Eric was an identical copy of father. It was very possible Eric would look like him when older: handsome, rogued charming good looks, sky blue eyes...
"I'm sorry for being a bad father."
Sorry doesn't quite cut it, but the wedding expenses sure will.
"I should have been there for you. It was just... very complicated. I was young, and I didn't want the responsibility. I was a party boy. I didn't want to marry. I wasn't ready for a kid, and less alone was I ready for two. It was too much...."
"You're just like Eric." I interrupted him "Fear of commitment... Party Boy...." I sighed "If you're going to tell the story, just start where you should: the beginning. How did you meet mother? What exactly happened? And why did you marry if you didn't want to?"
He paled a little. "Your grandmother."
Yeah. I should have seen THAT one coming.
He sighed, brushing his hair back; it was an identical gesture that Eric would unconsciously inherit.
"We were three Delton brothers: Maxwell, the oldest. Albert, the middle one. And then there was me. Maxie was the heir. His life was cut out for him. He had absolutely nothing to worry about career wise. Albert was kind and he had chosen to help the family out of his own good will. He had his life pretty much set too. I, on the other hand, was the youngest. I lived to party. There was absolutely nothing that could control me.
Then, in the most unexpected moment, I had completely and totally fallen in love. It was amazing. I'd never felt that way. It was... life changing."
I blinked "Whao... mom really caused an impression on you, didn't she?"
He paled a little more.
It was my turn to gawk. "You're not talking about mom, are you?"
He slowly shook his head. "I fell in love with Lillian Crawford, Maxwell's girlfriend."
I stared perplexed at him. "Leonardo's MOM. You FELL IN LOVE WITH LEO'S MOM!? The rumors are TRUE!?"
"Ssssh! Lower your voice. It's true. And believe me when I tell you, Lillian wasn't exactly turning a blind eye towards me either. We REALLY liked each other, we were thinking of eloping and everything..."
"What happened?" I was horrified, but curiousity took the best of me.
"I met your mother, Eleanor Christine Alexandier." He paused as if remembering. "I'd always thought Lillian was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, but even my lovestruck eyes recognized that Eleanor was astounding." He looked at me. "She had jet black long hair... beautiful bangs that covered part of her face, hazel eyes that bordered on gold, full red lips and white porcelain skin. I'm telling you, she was a vision. She moved those long legs and swinged her hips as she walked, that she left many a man on her trail."
I'd seen mother's pictures. She was breathtaking beautiful. Dad, however, did not describe her with longing or passion, he just painted her image as if she were walking beside us now.
"But..." He looked at the table "She was a real bitch."
I should've been really bothered about that insult, but I had lived it myself, just how cold she was.
"She was ambitious, and she didn't care a flying fuck about hurting people to get her way. She had been orphaned when very little and she'd inherited a fortune big enough to take care of world poverty. She used her influence and money effortlessly and always got what she wanted. In this particular case, she had transferred to our school with one particular goal in mind: me."
"Why would she have wanted YOU? You were the family's disaster!"
"Why thank you, daugther, for those wonderful words... The thing is that Maxwell's fate was setted in stone. I'm sure Eleanor had tried convincing Mother that she would be far better a wife than Maxwell, but Mom smelled her ambition a mile away. She couldn't have Eleanor in a position that could outweigh her. So... mom dumped her on me. Before I had anything to say in the matter, Mother had agreed that Eleanor and I would be the perfect match."
"But you were in love with Lillian."
"Yeah, and I was also in love with my lifestyle. I loved the cars, the houses, the trips... if I did anything against the Deltons I'd risk a fate like you dear cousin's, Leonardo. And you know what? I was 18 and I wanted to do whatever I wanted."
"So you broke Lillian's heart and married Eleanor?"
He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and then he finally nodded. "I entered a loveless marriage with Eleanor. And things worked fine at first. We never even saw each other. I went away, and she'd do whatever the hell she wanted. Eleanor was incredibly smart. I mean it."
I quirked an eyebrow. "How smart?"
"Very. But she couldn't care less about smarts. She was busy living the life she'd always dreamed as a Delton."
"It seems like things were working out pretty well..." I almost downed the Whisky Sour.
"They were.... until Lillian got pregnant and had a baby boy."
That would make sense. Mother would've stopped being the spotlight and the attention would be drawn to first male born and heir of Delton Industries Ltd.
"It became your mother's obsession to have a boy too. She was desperate. She hated the idea of giving childbirth but hated the idea of living in Lily's shadow even more. I was also desperate because I could no longer keep doing what I was doing so far with her complaints and my mother's and the pressure I was getting from everybody for being the good for nothing son. I had started working at the Industry, Eleanor was exhausting... it seemed like I was suddenly trapped. It was my fault. I got there on my own.
"We tried having a child for a while, but I hated the idea of even sleeping with her. It was harder yet comi---"
"SKIP THE DETAILS"
"Anyways.... after it all, you were born."
I didn't know how to feel. It was all too strange. I had a daughter. I wasn't ready to become a father. I didn't even know how to hold you... you were little and fragile and....
"Well, you should have tried." I glared at him. He stopped talking and looked at me at a loss for words "We're not born parents. We learn. We learn from our children how to be good parents. If you had stayed around long enough you would have known that."
"I know that now." He sighed "Then, a year later, Eric was born. However, your mom was far from satisfied. She was set on making Eric the star of the family. She believed that if he proved to be better than Leonardo, he would be named the heir."
I sighed. "I know... she gave Eric everything. Everything and a little more." There was a slight tone of resentment in my voice, but I tried to hide it.
"Lucille... I'm very sorry. I know it was hard. Instead of being a good father, I kept trying to recover the life I had when I was 18... I saw that your mother was indifferent and uncaring and instead of stopping it, I turned a blind eye towards it all.... I regret that so much..."
"Why did you send me to the Institute?" I looked at him.
"I thought that it would be the one place where you would be able to explore your potential. I saw you solve that Rubik's cube in less than five minutes... at what? 6 years old? It was a toy to you... it was... incredible. The Institute seemed to be an option... a place where you'd get independance from the Delton world."
And I did get it.
"The night of the accident.... we weren't even driving, we had a driver with us. Trying to evade a truck, he lost control of the vehicle, and next thing I knew, we were plunging into ice cold water. I don't know how I survived the fall..."
"How did you get out?"
"I had the window down... I was actually smoking myself a cigar.... When I was in the water, I reacted immediately... and got the hell away. To be honest.... I did feel sad that Eleanor had passed. I wished I could have saved her."
"And then you saw you golden chance..."
"To do what I couldn't do before: FREEDOM. No Deltons, no attachments.... It was easy to get another identity. Being a Delton you know people in the lower circles... and they know people, and I had stashed my savings into various accounts under other names during years. Getting a new life was not hard...."
I was furious. My blood boiled. "Well, I'm glad you got exactly what you wanted..." I stood up and was about to walk away when he grabbed my wrist.
"The loneliness was overwhelming. I had never appreciated my family until I was completely alone in the world. It was bad... and I regretted how foolish I had been. I never stopped caring for you or Eric. I loved you. And my realization came late, when I was deep into the neck in trouble... but it was there. I regretted not spending with you those important moments. I regret not watching you bloom into the beautiful woman you are now, more beautiful than your mother in her hayday. I always followed you, Lucille. When I read you'd been promoted in the INTERPOL, I was so proud. I didn't know how to come back into your new life. I was scared. But I don't regret this. Appearing again. Even if you hate me. I don't regret holding my daughter's hand and begging her for forgiveness. I will spend every day of my life making up to you the mistakes I have made. Please."
I couldn't help the fusion of emotions that circled through my body. I was still angry (less angry), but sad, and also touched. His words seemed honest. I wanted to cry like a little baby and shove myself into his arms. But it was so hard.... I softly placed my hands on his shoulders and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
"Goodnight, dad. We'll talk tomorrow."
He didn't stop me. He just nodded, and kindly smiled at me. I took a cab. Halfway through the trip to the hotel I had ruined my makeup and as I got to the hotel I was a disaster. I eventually calmed down as I took a bath and felt the water on my skin.
Forgiving was not easy. I couldn't hold a grudge, though. Not after what I'd heard. How many times had the Delton lifestyle pushed people towards madness? Lillian had eventually killed herself... Eric's new reign as the Delton Industries CEO was just starting to change everything, and everyone was becoming truly united. But things hadn't always been hopeful.
So I decided to write the story and reread it various times, and hopefully find the strength to accept the things that I cannot change and the courage to changes those that I can.
Take it all Away
I am not a sane person.
I'm not.
Whether it be because of my parents, my family or circumstance alone, I've developed several personality traits that are unique, mildly disturbing and just very problematic.
People don't see this most of the time, because I usually won't give people THAT much time to get to know me to reach the point where they notice these particular faults. A while ago, I just smiled and cut them short. It was good because people always thought I was a great person, but it was bad because I didn't really give people the chance to reject me when they found out how totally nuts I was. It's HILARIOUS.
Those who have continued being my friends through thick and thin, sometimes deal with huge mood swings, split personalities, and an unhealthy amount of drama which, let's face it, would scare the T-Rex from Jurassic Park back into the cretaceous period.
Just to be clear. I'm not bipolar. I just happen to like two very different things, which at a certain point one calls for the other. I love modelling, designing, and decorating. That's the artist part of me.
I also happen to love computers and technically... I'm a geek in the body of a hot model. That's what it basically amounts to.
Just in case though... I took the personality quiz.
It turns out I'm a ENFJ!! I am "THE GIVER".
:O Whao. This test is pretty accurate. I'm reading it and it turns out I'm not the only weirdo like me out there. That makes me feel MUCH better.
ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.
That is SO TRUE! OMG.
Scary.
Anyways. My original point in WRITING this post was simply to thank the people who Do deal with me in a daily basis. If it weren't for you people I'd be totally crazy (and not just HALF crazy like I'm now). so thanks! :)
Ethan, love you baby! <3
I'm not.
Whether it be because of my parents, my family or circumstance alone, I've developed several personality traits that are unique, mildly disturbing and just very problematic.
People don't see this most of the time, because I usually won't give people THAT much time to get to know me to reach the point where they notice these particular faults. A while ago, I just smiled and cut them short. It was good because people always thought I was a great person, but it was bad because I didn't really give people the chance to reject me when they found out how totally nuts I was. It's HILARIOUS.
Those who have continued being my friends through thick and thin, sometimes deal with huge mood swings, split personalities, and an unhealthy amount of drama which, let's face it, would scare the T-Rex from Jurassic Park back into the cretaceous period.
Just to be clear. I'm not bipolar. I just happen to like two very different things, which at a certain point one calls for the other. I love modelling, designing, and decorating. That's the artist part of me.
I also happen to love computers and technically... I'm a geek in the body of a hot model. That's what it basically amounts to.
Just in case though... I took the personality quiz.
It turns out I'm a ENFJ!! I am "THE GIVER".
:O Whao. This test is pretty accurate. I'm reading it and it turns out I'm not the only weirdo like me out there. That makes me feel MUCH better.
ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.
That is SO TRUE! OMG.
Scary.
Anyways. My original point in WRITING this post was simply to thank the people who Do deal with me in a daily basis. If it weren't for you people I'd be totally crazy (and not just HALF crazy like I'm now). so thanks! :)
Ethan, love you baby! <3
Wonderland
I've just returned from the most wonderful weekend with my boyfriend, Ethan.
It basically seemed like a late Christmas/Birthday gift from God!
Well, truthfully, the week ahd begun a tad bit on the wrong side. We'd had one of those dumb little fights that basically ignite from nowhere and turn into something and then you wish you'd never brought anything up. That kind of fight.
But, as they say, from everything bad you learn a good lesson. In this case, it was much more than a lesson, it was a firm committment. We both agreed that we were passionate towards each other and that we also had a high level of intimacy and that we were halfway to reaching a perfectly balanced and secure level of committment.
It started off by me meeting his parents, Jack and Amber. They are if not, the most incredible people I've ever met. They're kind, joyous, extremely nice, charming, and sweet people. Amber is downright admirable (a marine biologist), and Jack is the owner of a shipping company (or in Amber's words "the captain of a bad ship"). It was endearing. I fell in love with them immediately. Maybe it's because my family is so very out of the ordinary that it felt wonderful to meet them and get that warm sense of belonging. They stayed over for a week and then returned to Australia.
Then came the plans of going to the beach.
It was wonderful. Foxy Lady was in Wonderland. For starters, I loveeee the beach. I love the beach because I love beach fashion. I love wearing bikinis and showing off my sexy body! :D I also love wearing those beautiful and cute beach hats. I love beach sandals, dark glasses, and of course the rubbing sun lotion part of the deal. The beach is perfect! Point period! I love the feel of the sun against my skin and enjoying the cold water (and in my case, the going into the beach and having a swim with most probably the sexiest man evah, aka, my boyfriend).
Of course, the beach wasn't without incidents. My father decided to show up along with some friends. I'm not too comfy with my father yet, but he's making a grand effort of being "the best daddy" and proving his worth. He's doing a pretty good job. I can't complain. I didn't give Ethan too much time to prepare for THAT. But, my father isn't as big of a deal as meeting my brother. Now, THAT, will be an event (Eric Delton is as possessive as they come with me, his little sister, though I'm older than he is).
Anyways, it was fantastic.
Right now I love my life more than ever. I really really do.
It basically seemed like a late Christmas/Birthday gift from God!
Well, truthfully, the week ahd begun a tad bit on the wrong side. We'd had one of those dumb little fights that basically ignite from nowhere and turn into something and then you wish you'd never brought anything up. That kind of fight.
But, as they say, from everything bad you learn a good lesson. In this case, it was much more than a lesson, it was a firm committment. We both agreed that we were passionate towards each other and that we also had a high level of intimacy and that we were halfway to reaching a perfectly balanced and secure level of committment.
It started off by me meeting his parents, Jack and Amber. They are if not, the most incredible people I've ever met. They're kind, joyous, extremely nice, charming, and sweet people. Amber is downright admirable (a marine biologist), and Jack is the owner of a shipping company (or in Amber's words "the captain of a bad ship"). It was endearing. I fell in love with them immediately. Maybe it's because my family is so very out of the ordinary that it felt wonderful to meet them and get that warm sense of belonging. They stayed over for a week and then returned to Australia.
Then came the plans of going to the beach.
It was wonderful. Foxy Lady was in Wonderland. For starters, I loveeee the beach. I love the beach because I love beach fashion. I love wearing bikinis and showing off my sexy body! :D I also love wearing those beautiful and cute beach hats. I love beach sandals, dark glasses, and of course the rubbing sun lotion part of the deal. The beach is perfect! Point period! I love the feel of the sun against my skin and enjoying the cold water (and in my case, the going into the beach and having a swim with most probably the sexiest man evah, aka, my boyfriend).
Of course, the beach wasn't without incidents. My father decided to show up along with some friends. I'm not too comfy with my father yet, but he's making a grand effort of being "the best daddy" and proving his worth. He's doing a pretty good job. I can't complain. I didn't give Ethan too much time to prepare for THAT. But, my father isn't as big of a deal as meeting my brother. Now, THAT, will be an event (Eric Delton is as possessive as they come with me, his little sister, though I'm older than he is).
Anyways, it was fantastic.
Right now I love my life more than ever. I really really do.
Lyon
I am moving to Lyon.
Exactly three days before Christmas.
It already feels like my insides are freezing and the whole world is moving a little bit slower. I never liked France much, except for Fashion in Paris. I will miss the Italians, Italian food, Italian way of thinking, Milan itself, my apartment, and even my ferret (I can't really take her with me, I'm taking a new job and I won't be able to attend to her like I did before).
I have to plan now what I'm going to take, how I'm going to take it, and I'm just out of it. I can't really put my thoughts in order. I can't really decide what's coming up next.
I am moving to Lyon.
Another start again. Another place, new people, new challenges. How many more times will I have to start over?
I'm moving to Lyon, goodbye home.
Exactly three days before Christmas.
It already feels like my insides are freezing and the whole world is moving a little bit slower. I never liked France much, except for Fashion in Paris. I will miss the Italians, Italian food, Italian way of thinking, Milan itself, my apartment, and even my ferret (I can't really take her with me, I'm taking a new job and I won't be able to attend to her like I did before).
I have to plan now what I'm going to take, how I'm going to take it, and I'm just out of it. I can't really put my thoughts in order. I can't really decide what's coming up next.
I am moving to Lyon.
Another start again. Another place, new people, new challenges. How many more times will I have to start over?
I'm moving to Lyon, goodbye home.