Round 2

This time I'm not repeating my mistakes. Mistakes are good because you learn from them, aren't they? I've learned. Is that part of having grown up? Am I ready now? I want to be.

The words I told Nathan weeks ago come back to my mind: the things I desired, the things I could handle, what I wanted, what I wished to stay away from. They kept coming back to me.

I still like Christian. I really do. Even as I tried to convince myself that it had all been a foolish illusion in my head, my feelings were real. I know this, because I found myself last night, wanting to know him, wanting to be there for him. I realized in seconds just how childish I had been before. If you truly like someone you're supposed to compromise for that person. Then why didn't I see that before? Nathan was right, I was still confused and in a moment I wasn't ready, because I was still changing. Bad moment. But now, now that I feel much more defined and in balance with myself, I understood what it meant to like someone. Sure, it hurts, you're giving yourself, and you become vulnerable for that person, but it's worth it, when you see that person smile, or even so much as acknowledge you.

He's a person who likes to be in control. He's tight, and well, let's face it, square, but I find that all the more endearing now. I'm the complete opposite. I hold nothing back. Yesterday, I sat before him, and I wanted to learn from him. I desired to compromise, I was willing to step out of my own boundary of commodity to understand his reasoning and accept him as who he is. I was a coward before, mayhap I have more courage now.

Softly, slowly, I want to know him. I don't want to rush things, it's still so fragile. This feeling, I want to nurture it... I don't want the pressure or the fast pace of today's society. I definetely want to move steadily forward, making sure I enjoy whatever happens. Round 2? I seem to get plenty of second chances, and I thank God for that. Thoroughly.

He kissed me. Well, he asked if he could kiss me. Considering what happened previously, I don't blame him for asking. His kiss was devastating for me. For a person such as myself, with experience galore, the kiss meant a new beginning. It was unlike anything I had previously lived, as though, my emotions were on the verge of going array. I wanted him to taste me, but I also wanted to taste, I wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to respond in kind. I felt myself shy once more as what already stood so delicately in a plane above my control, swept me away. And I wanted it to last forever, I wanted to take my time, losing myself in the devastation of it all.

I'm surprised at my own reaction! I really do like this.... I really really like him.

There's gotta be somebody for me out there...

Hello fellow vixens!

I *HIGHLY* reccommend the new Nickelback song "Gotta be Somebody" (you know, the lead singer, Chad Kroeger sang "Hero", that famous song for the fans of Mr.Spidey! hehe! and like he's Canadian, thank you very much). Definitely = A+

As to where I've been? Well, we had some wild days after Oscar night! So many post-oscar parties, including one featuring a karaoke night! (I love Karaoke) There have also been invitations for a number of parties OUTSIDE the city. For those who have been left behind on the SOCIAL CALENDAR: Monday @ 12:00 was 'Night4show'; Tuesday there was THE social gathering at the main building of the country house (so much pretty people, AND they were giving champagne). Today was tranquility night, and yours truly went out with the delicious Percy twins (aka Nathan and Christian). We went to a place called 'Ligero' (Light for those who don't have a Spanish tongue [or haven't known one ;)]). The food was deli-! I DO suggest the pita chips and the wraps there is are simply grand. Oh. B-T-W...

I've decided on my lent promise! I won't be having any type of sauce, like for 40 days. This of course, means, I will only eat my food with: spices, vinegar, olive oil and salt. I needed to de-tox anyways. I hope God sends me something grand in return for depriving myself of those mouth watering carbonara, puttanesca etc.

Aw... I don't have much else to talk about, plus I'm very tired. I've had QUITE the week (sans sex). Ah... Celibacy is MUCH tougher than what I thought. Buuu-hu!

As for the latest news on the surroundings: Eric is ever getting more attention, eventually his ego will send him far far away. Girlas, if you want a tip with my brother... in these days that he can't eat meat, offer him a nice massage in the shoulders, HE L-O-V-E-S. (you'll get extra points for that). Ashley was sick at the beginning of the week. I notice she doesn't eat much, but I took her some chicken soup and some apple juice (an apple a day...? Keeps the doctor away! Unless the doctor is hot, you don't want him away) I left HER in the arms of her lovey dovey Andre. (who I dated, isn't that strange?). She turned into pulp or pup in his arms. Don't worry Ash: no es un delito, es un deleite. Veronique Reinard (as always love her taste in fashion, VERY proper), still she might want to get off the diet a little! Some meat in those bones wouldn't hurt (and I heard there's a pup who's killing for some fresh meat). Caterina? I haven't talked with her at all... Hmm... I wonder if I could give her a makeover too! Nathan is a buddhist now. And Christian? I think I pissed him off slightly. Oops! I'll give him something homemade and get him to forgive me, right right?

I'm going to bed now. Luv!