I probably made more mistakes today than I ever thought I'd make in my entire life. Oh no. That's just how I work. Making mistakes every single moment and then ending up living with all those mistakes. Maybe it's implanted into my brain in some kind of way, that I have to fuck up continously to grow stronger. I had a friend who once told me she fucked up to have some stories to tell her grandchildren.
I don't know the reason I fuck up. I just do.
I got my heat broken today. Maybe it was my own choice, or maybe it was meant to happen, but I didn't help. Did I handle myself correctly? Should I have said this or done that?
I always thought that of all the capital sins, I'd be Lust, because I looked only for pleasure. But now I know I'd just be Envy. I wanted something other people had and ended up with nothing in my hand.
'
Right now, the store is closed, Samuel's with his lover at his home, and I'm all alone, with the goldfish. Bloody goldfish. By this point, I've spent the last twenty minutes laughing. Here you Gossip Guy and hooray for the Deltons, you bravely tried to conceal it, but what the hell. I tried to kill myself. Yes... I took a razor and cut myself. Of course, as things might be, we evil spirits don't go so easily, and let's face it, I could've cut myself vertically and ended it much sooner. Now, I did so horizontally, because I knew Eric had been calling and he would arrive any minute. And I left it to my supposed fate. If I died, then I didn't have anything else to do and I'd go to hell. If I lived, I'd get another chance to redeem myself. What? It's just like throwing a coin. It wasn't the big deal.
So. I didn't die, I mean, right now I'm willing to believe that you could shoot me in the head and the bullet would probably not do sufficient damage to fuck me up. Oh no. I'm special that way. Nathan wanted me substituted, I wanted myself dead, and a bunch of people just thing I'm useless, yet here I am. Still here. Hi! Okay. So, not only did I not die, but I prove just how big of a deal am I, I run to Italy, change my name and start a new life. And of course, I have talent, immediately I get clients. So, I'm here, and I'm here to stay. You can't kill me or, well, I'd like to see you try, if you're successful I'm sure I'll come back as some sort of evil spirit and have my way with all of you.
By this point, I know that anyone who's reading my blog is thinking: what is wrong with Lucia? Well, here's what's wrong. NO matter what I do, I can't seem to get things right. I can't even kill myself properly. But no, scratch that, I make some things right: I'm a great sex idol AND a great designer. There you go, I have a career and fucking skills. I AM a whore after all.
But then, I'm being harsh on myself. I'm not all that bad. I'm a kind person, and generous, and I try to make the best of my surroundings, and yet, I don't understand people. I don't. I don't understand how they work, how they should work. Oh, I know how to pleasure people, but not how to create a bond? What is this? What the hell is wrong?
I admit it. I ran for it. I ran because I wanted a new life, a second chance. Yet he appears again, and I'm still idiotly hopeful. And he says he likes me. My God. Am I dellusional? I'm having a break down and you tell me you like me now? But you've never showed me...! I mean... you don't desire me at all. You look at me, but you don't connect with me, you think you are, but you don't even try.
And I give up. This time I'm not cutting horizontally, but vertically and with a kitchen knife. I don't want this anymore at all. How long has it been? Enough! I give up. I'm sorry, I do. I don't have it in me, to take any more cruel remarks and misunderstandings. Don't you get it? I don't feel it. You're not trying. I genuinely detest what you've made me feel.
The rain is pouring outside and I've just finished doing 159 new designs, out of the blue, I just got home and started painting, dress after dress after dress, until I couldn't feel my hands, and let go of the pen. I feel like such a coward. I feel like such an idiot. I feel stupid.
Blame Disney and they're happily ever after. Blame the lovers who walk about the street holding hands and smiling. Blame the world because apparently, unrequited love is the only one that teaches us how to be stronger, until we might find something inside this whole chaos. Right now, I feel my heart beating, goose bumps in my skin and I wish, just wish, I could find the slipper that would lead me to the castle. I've thought about deleting these words a hundred times, but it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair to the things I wanted to say.
It is all so very complicated. We love and we get hurt, we desire and forget, yet we still must make way through life. I wanted to be special to someone other than me. Desperate desire, desperate need for the other, being so close that we might break. Stop. Maybe I'm never moving forward as to not create a past. But I am moving forward, and I do want a past I can grow safely upon.
I begged God to make me stronger. Maybe he listened incorrectly and made me stupid instead. Here, amongst the darkness and the pouring rain, I found myself with just me, and my goldfish. There's no one to share with. This time, I'm not running, though. I'm becoming stronger. I'm doing something for myself, and if someone should chose me as they're special person, then let it be. I want to live, desperately, entirely, not missing one single moment... I want to fall in love, and God, make it so that I might receive what I give in return. But if it should not be so, then let him give me patience for the things I cannot change and the wisdom to change those that I can.
I'm going to walk about the streets of Italy now. Yes, sweet Milan, beautiful and quiet, listening to my pleas and dreams, but before I go, I leave with a poem, one of my favorites "Una Cancion Desesperada", by Pablo Neruda. No words could better define my actual state of mind.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Escribir, por ejemplo: "La noche está estrellada,y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos."
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos.La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.
Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oir la noche inmensa, más inmensa sin ella.Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.
Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.La noche esta estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos,mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque este sea el ultimo dolor que ella me causa,y estos sean los ultimos versos que yo le escribo.
Yin & Yang
Women and Men are nothing alike, and this is obvious, and we all know this. It's 101. Sometimes, though, I wonder just how different we are or how similar we could be. We could detest someone with ever core of our being and not know why, or we could adore them blindly, willing to change just to reach towards that person. It's inside us. And sometimes I just wonder.
Things are going very well down at the good old shop. I had a dinner with Vincenzo, and had Giovanni Milazzo, his cousin, over at the store too.
Then I had a small talk with Nathaniel and Christian. They're very kind people. Not that I want to formulate any opinions, but I really think Nathan adores Veronique. I wonder why they fight so much, though. It's strange that people who love each other that much clash as often as they do.
Women and Men are nothing alike. But women and men were meant to love each other. We can't breathe without the other. And I'm not saying anything against men who love men either, oh no. What I mean is, that though men and women are different they sort of need each other in some way. Even, Julian who loves Rudyard, named Carol 'tweetie'. It's as it. As different as we are, we still make beautiful patterns together.
Because, if I see it as God's big design, men might be the coutoure, but women put the juicy into the equation. Or viceversa.
I know this is totally random.
My objective for today was: Making someone smile :)
- love, Lucia
Things are going very well down at the good old shop. I had a dinner with Vincenzo, and had Giovanni Milazzo, his cousin, over at the store too.
Then I had a small talk with Nathaniel and Christian. They're very kind people. Not that I want to formulate any opinions, but I really think Nathan adores Veronique. I wonder why they fight so much, though. It's strange that people who love each other that much clash as often as they do.
Women and Men are nothing alike. But women and men were meant to love each other. We can't breathe without the other. And I'm not saying anything against men who love men either, oh no. What I mean is, that though men and women are different they sort of need each other in some way. Even, Julian who loves Rudyard, named Carol 'tweetie'. It's as it. As different as we are, we still make beautiful patterns together.
Because, if I see it as God's big design, men might be the coutoure, but women put the juicy into the equation. Or viceversa.
I know this is totally random.
My objective for today was: Making someone smile :)
- love, Lucia
Archer
I love yoga. It is such a wonderful way of losing stress. One should feel totally in peace with nature. That's why I practice all those things: tai chi, yoga, pilates. It helps me relax and find inner balance.
Nonetheless... my favorite sport? I'd have to say archery. I'm very good at it. It is such an elegant and formidable skill. I always admired their form, their control, the concentration necessary to hit the target. I fell in love with it from a very small age. I basically begged to be taught and never regretted having learnt it. Still, I only practice it when I want silence. I am good at it; I'm precision.
I have a no-kill policy. I'm a protector of life, and pride myself in the notion.
But I don't practice archery all that often. Not unless I'm incredibly stressed; not unless I must let everything go along with my arrow.
That is why this morning I set out to hunt with the bow and arrow. It is merely an exercise. The arrows aren't harmful to the creatures, they just mark them with small dots of pain.
I shoot the targets set in the assigned path and then decided to walk a little far away from that path. I found a fox. Strecthing my bow I placed the arrow perpedicular to my shoulder and aimed towards it. I was all powerful in that moment. I would hit. I could severe him fatally, capture him, or simply let him be. If I wanted the fox, it was all about depriving him of his freedom. I lowered the arrow... if my having him meant forcing my will, I rather let him run free.
And that is true.
And that is why I decided to return to Italy. There are many things I need to do.
Nonetheless... my favorite sport? I'd have to say archery. I'm very good at it. It is such an elegant and formidable skill. I always admired their form, their control, the concentration necessary to hit the target. I fell in love with it from a very small age. I basically begged to be taught and never regretted having learnt it. Still, I only practice it when I want silence. I am good at it; I'm precision.
I have a no-kill policy. I'm a protector of life, and pride myself in the notion.
But I don't practice archery all that often. Not unless I'm incredibly stressed; not unless I must let everything go along with my arrow.
That is why this morning I set out to hunt with the bow and arrow. It is merely an exercise. The arrows aren't harmful to the creatures, they just mark them with small dots of pain.
I shoot the targets set in the assigned path and then decided to walk a little far away from that path. I found a fox. Strecthing my bow I placed the arrow perpedicular to my shoulder and aimed towards it. I was all powerful in that moment. I would hit. I could severe him fatally, capture him, or simply let him be. If I wanted the fox, it was all about depriving him of his freedom. I lowered the arrow... if my having him meant forcing my will, I rather let him run free.
And that is true.
And that is why I decided to return to Italy. There are many things I need to do.
Be Brave.
Honestly, and with no restraints, forgetting about the fashion, and the luxury, and the social agenda. Forgetting the wild fiestas, and the beautifully decorated halls of a fashion show. Stripped of anything else, what do I get?
I'm not arrogant and a total wild force of nature like Ashley. I certainly don't have Carol's ambition and machiavellic scheming. I'm not a winter beauty, a porcelain doll, like Vero. I definitely lack Caterina's honesty, determination and naturally fun approach. I don't have Katzereine's exotic beauty and incredible maturity either. I can't bake the sweetest cupcakes and be as cute and passionate as Marie.
But I WILL TELL YOU What I AM! THIS IS MY STATEMENT!
I'm compassionate and caring! I genuinely love the people around me, because I believe in them. I believe in people. I disagree with Nietzsche; man cannot be solely evil. There must be more to him. I believe that there are those who care, and those who make a difference, and I value human life beyond anything else. And if someone has a problem with me believing in those things, then I can take them on. I'm not afraid! I don't fear my future, or death, or change, what I fear is not being able to protect those that I love. I cannot bear the pain of seeing them suffer.
And I'm talented. Beyond anything you could imagine. Not only can I design clothing and give people something they can feel comfortable in, but I also happen to design the most intricate of softwares. I'm a member of MENSA for crying out loud. If its a computer, I can break it down or create it once more. I'm a data engineer, having been trained soley for that purpose, to excel in a world were technology would prime.
And I'm sexy too! Ah, but I talked about that in my last post.
And why oh why am I saying this to you? Because maybe I feel so much smaller than these women who accompany me. Maybe just maybe, I'm not half as special yet I want to be. They're all so admirable in their very own way. They can make it. Surely, they've withstood so much, and have prepared themselves so little sometimes for the things they face so bravely. How can I not feel but paling before them? And yes, I'm me, and I'm not afraid to be, but sometimes I fear that alone might not be enough.
And I tell myself, Lucille be brave and continue fighting. If you look at them, you might be able to learn a bit from each one, and I hope to do. I hope I can befriend them and just pull a bit from each, the best, and adopt it to my own little self. Be brave, because you also have much to give. Be brave because there is much to do, and only you can do it. I have no doubt.
And how do they see me? Would they believe I'm making an effort? Would they believe I'm trying hard to create some footsteps of my own that can follow theirs? Would they judge me if I want to walk by their side and give them my genuine best? Would they be bothered that I just want to be there for them, even if they all stand proudly on their own? Sometimes I ask myself these questions and I can't help wonder.
Day after day I repeat that I'll grow stronger. My strength comes from wanting to be there, from having people who want me near. I need to be needed. Maybe I was born to give hope. I'd like to believe that. Hope is such a beautiful feeling. And Love. Love is the greatest feeling of them all. I'm ever the romantic, ever the optimist, ever the fool who loves life, and in return expects to be accepted.
And at the same time, the hidden me. The one who lurks inside, my insecurities, my deepest fears; the darkest secrets that can be shared with no one. What should I do about them? Opposing the romantic is the skeptic. Meeting up against the love for humanity is the inevitable battle against the hate for how frail life is. Against the innocence lies the perturbing notion of inconceivable wisdom. And I let them stay there. Buried and controlled. My only exit is the wonder of pleasure. The darkness and the lust play along, until I can find some release from the fear of turning into a bad person. And I will not be consumed. I refuse. My truth, my belief, my love, my hope will make me that much stronger. That is what I like most about ME. I will never allow myself to be overcome... even if I should be threatened to give in, I will persist, until I am no more, if that is necessary.
When I was in the Institute in Italy, there was only a boy accompanying me. He had been sold to the Institute because his family had needed the money and the boy was a prodigy. He was my opposite; my parents were paying the institute to keep me away, even though I was as special as the other boy. And I was amazed at how different our views about life were. He hated everything and everyone, hating the institute the most. I lived every day, believing things would change and that it was a challenge. I thought about my brother and how lively he always was, and even the darkest of moments seemed to brighten. I learned then, that love, any expression of it, would always serve as a more powerful weapon than hate. And that boy became twisted, believing that transhumanism was necessary. I, on the other hand, promised to protect what I thought was most important: our humanity. Two opposing forces, and yet, so easily broken into each other.
Be brave, Lucy, be brave. I always whisper those words, as I wake and face the world, always with the intention of becoming that much stronger and dependable. I care about people, I want to protect people, and if I have the power to do so, I will any way I can. This person, this me, can do it. Anyone can, and certainly I will too. I am not afraid. If I have to give my life for others, if I have to fight a storm or battle my very own demons, I will cherish life. Even if I'm the only left that is naive enough to trust. Even if my kindness is taken for granted, I will be happy giving. My will, will prevail, even if i'm the only one left that believes. Even if I point my arrow at nothingness, I'll be the only one. I'll give hope. I'll keep moving forward, until hopefully that light spreads and more can join me. One can make a difference. I can make a difference too.
And this is me. Little me, who believes the world can be changed for better. This is me, who loves life and enjoys every minute and does not regret even the worst of moments. This is me, the one trying to be brave, to have others admire her, the one trying to share her passion for life. This is who I am. And yes I am special, and yes I'm not like the rest, and yes i'm an idealist. But I am also an optimist. If I cry, I'll cry at night were no one can see me, unless my tears are shared alongside with a friend. I will laugh out loud and not at someone's else misery. I will dwelve into the most exotic of fantasies, just to say I've done it, I've been there, I have no fears.
This is me. And what keeps me going are feelings such as love, hope, desire, passion, truth, persistance..... oh! And two words: "Be Brave"
I'm not arrogant and a total wild force of nature like Ashley. I certainly don't have Carol's ambition and machiavellic scheming. I'm not a winter beauty, a porcelain doll, like Vero. I definitely lack Caterina's honesty, determination and naturally fun approach. I don't have Katzereine's exotic beauty and incredible maturity either. I can't bake the sweetest cupcakes and be as cute and passionate as Marie.
But I WILL TELL YOU What I AM! THIS IS MY STATEMENT!
I'm compassionate and caring! I genuinely love the people around me, because I believe in them. I believe in people. I disagree with Nietzsche; man cannot be solely evil. There must be more to him. I believe that there are those who care, and those who make a difference, and I value human life beyond anything else. And if someone has a problem with me believing in those things, then I can take them on. I'm not afraid! I don't fear my future, or death, or change, what I fear is not being able to protect those that I love. I cannot bear the pain of seeing them suffer.
And I'm talented. Beyond anything you could imagine. Not only can I design clothing and give people something they can feel comfortable in, but I also happen to design the most intricate of softwares. I'm a member of MENSA for crying out loud. If its a computer, I can break it down or create it once more. I'm a data engineer, having been trained soley for that purpose, to excel in a world were technology would prime.
And I'm sexy too! Ah, but I talked about that in my last post.
And why oh why am I saying this to you? Because maybe I feel so much smaller than these women who accompany me. Maybe just maybe, I'm not half as special yet I want to be. They're all so admirable in their very own way. They can make it. Surely, they've withstood so much, and have prepared themselves so little sometimes for the things they face so bravely. How can I not feel but paling before them? And yes, I'm me, and I'm not afraid to be, but sometimes I fear that alone might not be enough.
And I tell myself, Lucille be brave and continue fighting. If you look at them, you might be able to learn a bit from each one, and I hope to do. I hope I can befriend them and just pull a bit from each, the best, and adopt it to my own little self. Be brave, because you also have much to give. Be brave because there is much to do, and only you can do it. I have no doubt.
And how do they see me? Would they believe I'm making an effort? Would they believe I'm trying hard to create some footsteps of my own that can follow theirs? Would they judge me if I want to walk by their side and give them my genuine best? Would they be bothered that I just want to be there for them, even if they all stand proudly on their own? Sometimes I ask myself these questions and I can't help wonder.
Day after day I repeat that I'll grow stronger. My strength comes from wanting to be there, from having people who want me near. I need to be needed. Maybe I was born to give hope. I'd like to believe that. Hope is such a beautiful feeling. And Love. Love is the greatest feeling of them all. I'm ever the romantic, ever the optimist, ever the fool who loves life, and in return expects to be accepted.
And at the same time, the hidden me. The one who lurks inside, my insecurities, my deepest fears; the darkest secrets that can be shared with no one. What should I do about them? Opposing the romantic is the skeptic. Meeting up against the love for humanity is the inevitable battle against the hate for how frail life is. Against the innocence lies the perturbing notion of inconceivable wisdom. And I let them stay there. Buried and controlled. My only exit is the wonder of pleasure. The darkness and the lust play along, until I can find some release from the fear of turning into a bad person. And I will not be consumed. I refuse. My truth, my belief, my love, my hope will make me that much stronger. That is what I like most about ME. I will never allow myself to be overcome... even if I should be threatened to give in, I will persist, until I am no more, if that is necessary.
When I was in the Institute in Italy, there was only a boy accompanying me. He had been sold to the Institute because his family had needed the money and the boy was a prodigy. He was my opposite; my parents were paying the institute to keep me away, even though I was as special as the other boy. And I was amazed at how different our views about life were. He hated everything and everyone, hating the institute the most. I lived every day, believing things would change and that it was a challenge. I thought about my brother and how lively he always was, and even the darkest of moments seemed to brighten. I learned then, that love, any expression of it, would always serve as a more powerful weapon than hate. And that boy became twisted, believing that transhumanism was necessary. I, on the other hand, promised to protect what I thought was most important: our humanity. Two opposing forces, and yet, so easily broken into each other.
Be brave, Lucy, be brave. I always whisper those words, as I wake and face the world, always with the intention of becoming that much stronger and dependable. I care about people, I want to protect people, and if I have the power to do so, I will any way I can. This person, this me, can do it. Anyone can, and certainly I will too. I am not afraid. If I have to give my life for others, if I have to fight a storm or battle my very own demons, I will cherish life. Even if I'm the only left that is naive enough to trust. Even if my kindness is taken for granted, I will be happy giving. My will, will prevail, even if i'm the only one left that believes. Even if I point my arrow at nothingness, I'll be the only one. I'll give hope. I'll keep moving forward, until hopefully that light spreads and more can join me. One can make a difference. I can make a difference too.
And this is me. Little me, who believes the world can be changed for better. This is me, who loves life and enjoys every minute and does not regret even the worst of moments. This is me, the one trying to be brave, to have others admire her, the one trying to share her passion for life. This is who I am. And yes I am special, and yes I'm not like the rest, and yes i'm an idealist. But I am also an optimist. If I cry, I'll cry at night were no one can see me, unless my tears are shared alongside with a friend. I will laugh out loud and not at someone's else misery. I will dwelve into the most exotic of fantasies, just to say I've done it, I've been there, I have no fears.
This is me. And what keeps me going are feelings such as love, hope, desire, passion, truth, persistance..... oh! And two words: "Be Brave"
Mission Accomplished?
So. I told him I liked him. There. Splurted it out. I felt much better after it. I know he doesn't feel the same way about me, but it is a very nice feeling JUST being able to say it. Simply... shouting it to the world. Ah. It's so pretty.
And then, and then, you know what I did? Because I like him so much I sent him homemade cookies every day (of the sugar coated ones because he loves them). Yes. I did that. I'm so proud! I learned how to cook while in Italy, but I made an extra effort in molding these cookies into pretty different kind of flowers and sending them to him. I learned something just for him. Will you look at that? I had NEVER done that before. NEVER. No man had been worth my effort. Generally I enjoy men kneeling before me and kissing my feet, while I sit above them. Not in this case, though. This is different. I'm looking at him as a human, not as a slave (and I'm not being offending to the past ex-servants (they enjoyed being what they are, truthfully).
And I should explain this, because it sounds SO weird. Oh, and I'm soooo happy. I like someone! *yayz*
Okay. The thing is. I've had a LOT of relationships. I'm like Lucille Delton, *THE* sex goddess? Aja. Yeah, that's me. I love men. They have this scent, this masculinity, this utter ferocious and rather primal nature to them. Men are valuable. And a man's body? Delicious! My first encounter with the marvelous world of sex was when I was 15. My instructor had planned to seduced me, but I ended up seducing him, not to mention I needed to tie him up, him being stronger than me and all, and I wanted to take my time to savor, to discover, to know. Yep. It was like playing life... ay! You spin the little roulette and you don't know where you might slide your ride to! Oh me! Naughty!
I loved it. It came naturally to me. Someone once told me my body was created to give pleasure and I believed it so. A model. Slim legs, hips, breasts, tall, soft skin, sensual lips, teasing eyes... I knew how to use my cards. And my cards I did use! I hit the casino many a time too. I turned it all into a game board where I was the master, throwing the dice to decide just how much the players should move. I was a master AT it. Seduction, Enthralling, Dazzling, making them fall and rise into a swirming ocean of ecstacy. Every gesture in my being reminded men of the most natural of needs. They all wanted me. Of course, I only loved those who could give much in return. Love? It was never an option for me. Not at first. I wanted pleasure and fun, games of lust and underworld practices. I was needed, I was asked for, Lucille Delton was the ultimate mistress....
.... and... is that the new prada shoes they're selling on fashion.net?
I beg your pardon. Where was I?
Ah yes. But I didn't always sleep with them. I worked my magic, pulled them into my web, and once inside, they wouldn't go out. They wouldn't want to either. Better than a man in bed, is a man wanting to desperately get into one. I played everything nicely.
Ironically. I haven't slept with that many men. People have guessed hundreds... but truthfully the list barely reaches 13. The minimum standards they must comply with has produced such a limited number. Until now, I only wanted those who were not looking for a relationship. I slept only with those who impressed or amused me enough. Finally, class, baby. It's all about class.
The techniques, the control, the playfulness, the kink, the mink, the love, the poetry... I know the tricks. I've been there, done that. I can do anything I desire...
And yet another irony... I haven't had sex in a few weeks. Which is strange. I haven't had the dire need for it, but it's more like I'm looking for a relationship now. Someone that likes me, right? That appreciates me and hugs me when I'm blue. That kind of thing. And it's not like when I took the vote of celibacy... now I don't have the vote, I simply am quite balanced. If I want to, I'll do it. If I don't want to, I'll bake cookies, see? Purrrfect! :)
Yay!
Oh. And... I've never really had a boyfriend, since I had problems committing. I've heard it's quite satisfying. Wonder if that's true.
Feedback?