In Fraganti

So! Last night I was supposed to go out with Christian to experience what a 'real' date was like, but he COM-PLETE-LY disappeared. And after I'd dressed up too! I was wearing my beautiful Spring 2009 exclusive black Chanel dress, and my lovely black bow with golden accesories, that looked just to DIE for. And I was stood up! He said he'd be right back and I guess he got busy? I decided that it was NEVER a good thing to waste a good dress (take notes girls), so I called all my amigas feminas (aka girlas <3)>

http://www.petrossian.com/Caviar-1.html (highly recommend it)

We had the usual chit chat; had some fun, as usual. Everyone was staring at us. I think the soon to be Duke of Norfolk was there as well (we were having a Britain Regalia apparently) and he was eyeing me quite suspiciously (like the kind of suspicious that make a playmate blush), but I was quite indifferent to his attentions. It was delightful and at the same time positively alarming! I've taken a vote of celibacy until I find true (or a semblant of true) love. It has been quite a task, because men are quite like bubblegum, if you step on them, they seem to grow more and more attached to you (and believe me, you don't want gum on your brand new stilettos). Men seem to grow an appetite towards that which they can't have (like taking candy from a child), and they just want it more. I've always loved the attention of men (especially those who have experience with couture). Now, however, I haven't had sex for a week (that is a lot for me), and even a mere touch sents me into a jolt.

Solution? Working on Pilates! It helps the muscles and de-stresses the mind. I keep myself in shape and let go of all those extra hormones dragging about my body. Ah! Relaxing! Not to say positively astounding for the skin.

As to men, a plunge on ice water should be the cure (as I read in a VH novel).

This morning, I went to have some early breakfast (as tradition demands) with my twin brother, Eric Delton. We've shared this tete a tete since our parents died three years ago. It is completely revitalizing because we have no one drawing us apart any longer (twins have a special bond after all). He's very much like me, and people often accuse us of having the same 'wolfish' grin. I beg your pardon, but it's 'foxy' grin in MY case. He's a wolf, I'm a fox! That's how it usually is with the both of us. And we adore each other. I've never seen a man interested in so much of my crap before!! Ah! Brotherly love! Kudos for the puppy! <3>

I also attempted to talk with Ashley Vasser this morning (who should definitely have a manicure any moment now). She's my 'trainer' (not like Enrique with his excellent Pilates class, highly recommended to). Ashley handles more delicate things. This morning, I genuinely tried keeping a conversation. She said my aura was 'hideous'. What is that supposed to mean? My aura is a bright golden color (Madame Sheila told me herself!) I tried telling her that Madame Sheila had a 99.99% accuracy rate, but it seemed to annoy her further. And I'm really making an effort here. I want to truly become a better person for the mission. Finally, I told her that I'd like to become her friend, genuinely and directly. She blinked. For the first time I noticed the slight flush cover her cheeks and how she turned around embarrassed, but hid it away almost instantly in a 'whatever' murmur. Something in me tells me she's very lonely. It makes me want to share more and more with her (and change her wardrobe! I've only seen her wearing blue like twice!) I gave her some italian chocolates by the end of my lesson and I think I found a way to eventually start something off. That makes me incredibly happy.

Is she lonely? I can understand that. Being alone. I have a lot of people who I love, but sometimes it's just one sided. Could that be the real meaning of loneliness? To be surrounded but have no one truly want to reach out for you? And when do you realize that they are reaching and that you should reach back? I'm not an expert on people's feelings, and I'm usually blind to those strange to my own, but I want to become someone dependable. If I can become just one person's true ray of sunshine; make that person smile, make that person want to see me every day, then life will be worth it. I think I understand you now, Nathan. Falling in love, though painful, is necessary. It's the kind of bittersweet pleasure that breaks you and reconstructs you into a better version of yourself. As long as you're loved, what is truly needed in return.

I guess you've caught me in fraganti. I do believe in love after all. <3